Knock-knock.
Who's there?
The police. Your entire family was killed in a car wreck.
----
I was walking down the street the other day when this bum comes up to me and says he hasn't had a bite in three days.
So I stabbed him.
---
So a priest, R. Kelly, and Michael Jackson walk into a bar. They then proceed to molest small children.
---
One day, Little Timmy asked his mother this question, "Mommy, why are boys and girls different?" She responded, "You're adopted and Santa Claus is dead."
---
So this guy meets this girl in a bar. They have a few drinks and he rapes her.
---
Q: Why did the little boy cry when he sat on Santa's lap?
A: Santa's boner reminded him of his pedophile father.
---
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she lost her arms in a car accident.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends
---
A little boy is going to school when he is stopped by a stranger. The stranger tells the little boy, when his teacher asks him why he is late, just say willytop. The boy looks at the stranger oddly, but proceeds to go to school. He arrives 5 minutes late, and is teacher isn't that happy. His teacher asks him why he is late. All the boy says is Willytop. The teacher looks at him horrified, and sends him to the office. Well, the boy arrives in the principals office, and the principal asks him why he was sent down. All the boy said was Willtop. The Principal was so horrified that he expelled the boy from school. Well, the boy went home, to find his parents in the living. They told the boy they knew he was expelled, but they wanted to know why. All the boy said was Willytop. The parents were so horrified by this that they kicked him out of the house.
Well, the boy is now walking to dark town streets, when he is stopped by a cop. The cop asks him why he is walking the streets alone. All the boy says is Willytop. The cop is so disgusted, that he kicks the boy out of town. Well, the boy is now sitting in a bar, and the bartender asks him why he is alone. All the boy said was Willytop. The bartender looked at him horrified, but before the bartender could say anything, the boy says "Please sir, I was kicked out of school, my house and even my hometown because of willytop. what does it mean sir?" The bartender nods, and tells the boy to come with him across the street, because if he tells him in the bar, the other people may get mad.
Well, the boy and the bartender are across the street from the bar. The bartender opens his mouth, but before he could speak, a drunk driver hits them both.
A priest has been summoned for a meeting with the archbishop. He's ushered into the archbishop's office, and the archbishop tells him that there's a conference at the Vatican the next week, and that he wants him to go there and represent their archdiocese at the conference. He also tells him that he's going to get to meet the pope. So the priest is very excited and honored, and the next week, he flies to Rome. When he gets there, he goes and rents a car and starts driving to the Vatican. He's driving along a deserted stretch of autostrada when a unicorn comes bounding out of the woods, and—BAM!—the priest smashes his car right into the unicorn. The dazed priest slowly gets out of the mangled Fiat and goes over to where the unicorn's lying. He stands there for a second in disbelief, marveling at the beauty of the dying creature. Then he notices that it seems as if the unicorn is trying to speak, so he gets down and cradles its head in his arms and leans in to listen. The unicorn turns his eyes toward the priest and, with his dying breath, says, "All my life, I never got to do what I wanted."
---
A man walks into a bar, and half his head is an orange.
He sits down, orders a drink. The bartender eyes him warily, but gets him what he wants. The man sits sipping the drink, idly watching the soccer game on the bar television. After a while, he runs dry and orders another.
"Tell you what," says the bartender, "this next one's on the house -- but you've got to tell me what happened to your head. I don't mean to be rude there, but..."
The man smiles. "No, not at all. I get this all the time.
Well, it started with the Gulf War. I was a young kid fresh out of high school, but I was poor. I needed money for college, and the Army looked like a good way out of the ghetto. But then they shipped me over to Kuwait. My platoon took some heavy fire during Desert Storm, and I was separated from them.
I wandered the desert for days, with only the contents of my pack to sustain me. I ran out of water, I ran out of food. I was desperate, on the virge of death -- when suddenly, I saw a glint of metal in the distance...
I forced myself onward, hoping the shining brightness was a glint of gunmetal from my platoon, or a city on the horizon, or anything. When I finally reached it, it was a piece of metal half-burried in the sand. I dug around it and excavated what appeared to be an old Persian oil lamp.
There was an inscription on the lamp, too covered in dust to read. I rubbed at the embossed lettering -- and then, a swirl of smoke and light surrounded me. Suddenly, before me, stood a ten-foot tall being, dressed in traditional Arabian garb, arms crossed.
'I am the Djinni of the lamp,' said the entity. 'For releasing me, I shall grant you three wishes. What is your first wish, my master?'
I was incredulous, of course. I deduced I must be hallucinating, that this was desert madness. I decided to test the mirage. 'Alright,' I tasked it, 'I wish for a wallet with a million dollars in it, that I can never lose, and whenever I take any money out of it the sum is immediately replenished.'
'Your wish is granted!' boomed the Djinni. I felt a bulge in one of my uniform pockets. Reaching in, I pulled out a new wallet, stuffed to bursting with crisp, new American bills. I counted them -- sure enough, it was a million dollars. I ripped up the bills, cast them to the four winds, and threw the wallet as hard as I could. The moment it was beyond my sight, it teleported instantaneously back to my pocket, refilled with another million dollars.
'What is you second wish, my master?'
I pondered the notion for a long moment, assessing my needs. 'Djinni,' I said, 'for my second wish, I want to be transported to a cool, abandoned palace, into a harem room with a hundred beautiful young virgins who will all fall madly in love with me at first sight, before a buffet table set with a feast fit for a king.'
'Your wish is granted!' Poof! I found myself in a royal harem, escaped from the heat of the desert. All around me, nubile girls eyed me with keen interest. In front of me, every conceivable type of meat was roasted to perfect tenderness, set with all the appetizers, side-dishes, salads, soups, and desserts of the four corners of the globe.
I dined until I was near-bloated, and then I had a lot of sex. I mean a lot. Several hours later, laying upon a bed of feathers, brown and blonde and red haired beauties nuzzling into me like puppies at their mother's underbelly, the Djinni stood before me, looking down in satisfaction at his work so far.
'What is your third wish, my master?'
I thought long and hard. Truly, this last wish tasked the very limits of my imagination, my beliefs, my ethics, my philosophy. Hours passed in silence, save for the gentle snoring of the ladies surrounding me.
At last, I spoke.
'Djinni, for my third wish, I want half my head to be an orange.'"
A boy owned a dog that was uncommonly shaggy. Many people remarked upon its considerable shagginess. When the boy learned that there are contests for shaggy dogs, he entered his dog. The dog won first prize for shagginess in both the local and the regional competitions. The boy entered the dog in ever-larger contests, until finally he entered it in the world championship for shaggy dogs. When the judges had inspected all of the competing dogs, they remarked about the boy's dog: "He's not so shaggy.
Tartus Pirogovi pargis, soe mõnus päikesepaisteline ilm. Pargis istub üks konktreetne punkar - nahast püksid, needitud tagi, sassis mustad juuksed ja mõnus vunts on ka ees ja libistab õlut.
Äkki tuleb mehe juurde üks väike koolitüdruk - heledad patsid peas, roosad põlvikud ja sandaalid ja väike rantis seljas ning limpsib pulgakommi.
Tüdruk ütleb:"Onu onu ütle üks."
Onu:"Miks?"
Tüdruk:"No ütle!"
Onu:"Üks."
Tüdruk:"Onu on argpüks". Mees vaatab, et krt noh.
Tüdruk uuesti:"Onu onu ütle kaks."
Onu:"MIks?"
Tüdruk:"NO ütle noh"
Onu:"Kaks."
Tüdruk:"Onu on väga paks." Mees vaatab, et nonoh.
Äkki ütleb mees:"Tüdruk tüdruk ütle kolm"
Tüdruk:"MIks?"
Onu:"No ütle ütle."
Tüdruk:"Kolm."
Onu:"Tõmba putsi!!!"
2 afgaani saavad New Yorgis kokku. 1 küsib teiselt, "Kuidas läheb, mis teed?". Teine vastab "Tere-tere, suurt ei midagi, niisama tiksun siin"
xmarek: Tartus Pirogovi pargis, soe mõnus päikesepaisteline ilm. Pargis istub üks konktreetne punkar - nahast püksid, needitud tagi, sassis mustad juuksed ja mõnus vunts on ka ees ja libistab õlut.
Äkki tuleb mehe juurde üks väike koolitüdruk - heledad patsid peas, roosad põlvikud ja sandaalid ja väike rantis seljas ning limpsib pulgakommi.
Tüdruk ütleb:"Onu onu ütle üks."
Onu:"Miks?"
Tüdruk:"No ütle!"
Onu:"Üks."
Tüdruk:"Onu on argpüks". Mees vaatab, et krt noh.
Tüdruk uuesti:"Onu onu ütle kaks."
Onu:"MIks?"
Tüdruk:"NO ütle noh"
Onu:"Kaks."
Tüdruk:"Onu on väga paks." Mees vaatab, et nonoh.
Äkki ütleb mees:"Tüdruk tüdruk ütle kolm"
Tüdruk:"MIks?"
Onu:"No ütle ütle."
Tüdruk:"Kolm."
Onu:"Tõmba putsi!!!"
2 afgaani saavad New Yorgis kokku. 1 küsib teiselt, "Kuidas läheb, mis teed?". Teine vastab "Tere-tere, suurt ei midagi, niisama tiksun siin"
VÄGA HEA VÄHE.. BASTARD KAH KADUND ,ET OOTASINGI JUBA SIUKESEID PIRNE RSK... niisama tiksn irwwwwwwwwwwww
