On a trans-atlantic flight, a plane was passing through a horrible storm. The turbulence is severe, and unfortunately things go from bad to worse when one of the wings were struck by lightning. One woman in particular friggen loses it.
Screaming, she stands up at the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she blares. “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has really ever made me feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own danger and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman at the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the back of the plane. “I can make you feel like a real woman,” he shouts. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing blond hair and jet blue eyes, and he begins walking slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. Everyone stares in silence.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
1. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
2. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to Home Simpsonget one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
3. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
4. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
5. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
6. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin… but what good does that do me?
7. I hope I didn’t brain my damage.
8. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.
9. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
10. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
11. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
12. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
13. How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
14. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
15. Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.
Nendega asab VanDamme mängu mängida ;)
(eestis müüakse ka!)
Ehk siis selline mäng, kõik inimesed kirjutavad mingi keerulise sõna paberile.
Kui kõik on oma sõnad ära kirjutanud (või mitu) siis võetakse ritta.
Ühest otsast hakatakse järjest minema sellise süsteemi järgi:
Komm suhu, ütled nimekirjas esimese sõna. KOMMI ALLA EI NEELA!
Järgmise kord, sama sõnaga.
Kui viimane on sõna ära õelnud, on kord jälle esimese inimese käes, kes paneb järgmise kommi suhu ja ütleb järgmise sõna.
Järgmised ringid käivad samamoodi...
Kes sõna arusaadavalt välja öelda ei suuda, kukub välja.
Kes võidab, saab kõik ülejäänud kommid endale ja kui on välja pandud, siis ka mingi lisaauhinna ;)
